An Open Letter to Girls Who Struggle With Pornography

**But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9**

I'm sorry. Not that you struggle with viewing pornography, although for that I am deeply sorry, too. No, instead, i'm sorry for the countless people who choose to walk blindly declaring that "only guys struggle with lust." I'm sorry for the endless amount of confused looks you receive from people you finally trust enough to share your struggle with.  I'm sorry for the parents, pastors, and teachers who continue to take you aside from the group so that the boys can talk about lust while the girls are left to figure out how to better dress in order to keep our Christian brothers from stumbling. I'm sorry no one took the time to explain to you God's perfect plan for sex.

I'm also sorry that everywhere you look is yet another half naked person, male and female. That both social media and TV are constantly full of inappropriate portrayals of woman being objectified instead of treated as the precious treasures the Lord intended us to be. I'm sorry that you feel lonely, confused, and dirty. That you feel like less than the beautiful and strong woman you were made to be, and that you feel as if no one in this world understands what you are going through. I'm sorry that sometimes you feel like something is wrong with you. I'm sorry that I took so long to write this.

Trust me, I know how you feel. I understand, because, yes, I too have been there. I have BEEN in your shoes. I have cried out at night, because the shame of struggling with porn seemed like too much for my heart to bear. I have spent hours begging the Lord to give me ANY other sin to struggle with. I have wondered constantly if He still hears my prayers. I never asked for this, never imagined I would be caught in the tangled web of lies that comes with porn. Can I really still love the Lord, and does He love me? Why can't I stop this? Will this ever end?

Believe me, I have felt the rage of something fierce flow through me as pastors have stood on stages declaring that "the ladies in the room won't understand what i'm saying, because only men struggle with watching porn." Trust me when I say that it took everything in me not to stand up and scream, "GIRLS STRUGGLE, TOO! Don't you GET it?! The Lord didn't create sex for men only!" How foolish to think we don't.

I was 16 when I first started to struggle with pornography. A friend at the time encouraged me to try it, telling me it was okay, that everyone struggles with it. My heart was broken at this thought, I pleaded with my friend to stop. -- I would like to stop right here and say that if ANYONE is pressuring you into doing something you KNOW is not okay or you are uncomfortable with do not do it. No person will ever be worth your character, integrity, and, ultimately, your relationship with your Heavenly Father. You deserve to be treated better than that. -- Over time I grew weak and gave into the curiosity of my heart. Long story short, it took a long time for my heart to experience freedom and even longer to lose the feelings of bitterness, pure hatred, and total unforgiveness towards this friend I had at the time. If anything, and I understand that this is hard, I would encourage you to think about how your choices now are effecting you future. I remember sitting down and sobbing with my current boyfriend as we talked about what I have, and sometime still, struggled with.

Girls. My heart aches for you. My souls longs for you to know that someone understands you, and that what you struggle with does NOT, in any way, diminish your worth in Christ Jesus your Maker. I need you to believe that what you are going through IS conquerable, solely because, Christ has already conquered the grave. Scripture never said we wouldn't sin; however, according to 1st Corinthians 15:54 does say that, "Death has been swallowed up in victory." Wow. We already know who wins. Thank you Jesus.

I truly believe that the devil uses fear to keep us quiet, to keep us struggling silently while the rest of the world seems to overlook those slowly drowning in sin and shame. So let's talk about it. John 1:5 tells us that "darkness can not overcome the light," so tell someone. Precious friends, do not buy into the lie that you are alone in this struggle. I did, and it cost me so much joy. You are never alone.

Like I said before, it took me a long time to be okay with the fact that I had to walk down this road of brokenness and shame, I absolutely hated it; however, I am thankful that I now have the ability to "boast in my weakness" for Christ's glory and help other girls who feel alone in this struggle. Be strong - you never know how encouraging your story of brokenness will one day encourage someone else.

Lastly, I think it is important for you to hear that, in the right context, sex is good. Porn not only distorts the true picture of love, but also strips God of all the glory He deserves. God created sex to glorify Himself and bring together two people that they might experience Him more intimately.

** If you do struggle with pornography I would encourage you to seek Godly counsel. I know you have been hurt before, people you've trusted betrayed you; but, please try to trust again. You never know who will understand you until after you share your heart. If you truly desire and are willing to work to overcome this struggle, believe me when I say that it will be so much easier with people standing beside you than if you try to do it alone.**

Truly,
Nicole Renee

To All the College Kids

It's July 16th. I am sitting in a cozy living room in Woodstock, Georgia. The sound of Mario Cart and little children's laughter has been floating through my parent's cool home for quite some time now. I'm sipping on lightly sweetened iced coffee with soy milk. I am truly at peace for the first time in a long time.

For the past year of my life I have been pulled in a million different directions. As a college student approaching my Junior year life has been nothing but a rush of "what's next?" I think one of the hardest parts of being in college is the endless amount of questions that seem to drown out all sense and fill the soul with fear. 

- - - Lord, what do you want from me? What does my future look like? What is my purpose? Am I truly living for you? Why do I feel this way? Jesus, is he the man you have for me? - - -

The only issue I have found with these questions is that my mind does not rest there. I cannot help but press on further and further asking:

- - - What is wrong with me? Am I enough? Why am I experiencing so much stress and anxiety?  Do you really have a plan for my future? Have you abandoned me? Are you really a good Father? Jesus, are you even there? - - -

It didn't occur to me until this past week over a mission trip to Florida, that I have been living in the midst of this entangled web of questions and lies. I am a firm believer that it is good to question, it is good to doubt and wrestle with the concerns in your heart; but living, setting up camp, in this place of darkness is a very scary thing to do. You see, my heart has always been full of much joy. My Savior captured my heart at a young age, and I have been set free from the sin and shame that this world so prettily packages. However, since I have been in college I have done nothing but wonder why in the world I am experiencing so much confusion and fear. While everyone around me seems like their lives are right on track, I feel as if I've been walking for miles and miles only to find that, this whole time, I've been walking in circles. College was supposed to be a time where I found myself, why in the world does it feel like I experienced more growth and satisfaction in who I am in high school? Am I doing something wrong?

If you feel like this, I want to let you in on a secret, the answer is no. You are not doing anything wrong.

Like I stated earlier, this past week I went on a mission trip to Plant City, Florida. It was a 5th & 6th grade trip, and I was a leader. The entire week I was truly and honestly intentional with asking the Lord, "Lord, why am I here?" Throughout my time there, Jesus revealed to me that He delights in me. He is not worried about my questions, He is bigger than my fears. He showed me that the place of darkness that I have been living in was never intended to be my home. It wasn't He who abandoned me in what felt like the "valley of the shadow of death;" instead, it was I who insisted on dwelling there for so long.

The amazing thing about Jesus is that even when we choose our own path, He is faithful to "never leave or forsake us" (Duet. 31:6). When you are on the other side of destruction it is easy to look back and see the little rays of hope scattered throughout the wreckage. I pray that the Lord will teach me how to see hope in the midst of destruction. I pray that in the middle of every storm my eyes would be fixed on Jesus, in order that I might never again forget that He has called me to more than myself. 

1st Peter 2:9 says this, "you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."

How amazing. How life-changing. Jesus doesn't leave us in darkness; He himself  literally calls us out of it.

Please do not hear me saying that what you are personally walking through is not hard and does not matter. I am not trying to make light of doubt, fear, broken-heartedness, or any other painful life situations. But please, PLEASE, do not believe that anyone of these places are where the Lord intends for us to reside.

So continue to question, continue to ask the Lord to reveal to you His purpose, but do NOT for even a second forget that He is faithful and true. The Scriptures continuously tell us to "knock, seek, call" upon His name. He is committed to us, we must not forget to daily commit to Him.

If you are a college student reading this post, know that you are NOT crazy, life is confusing, and you couldn't have begun to imagine just how emotionally hard college would be until you were thrown into the middle of it and told to keep up. Whether or not you think so, you are doing very well, and you are both precious and so loved by our Maker,

One last thing I must ask of you is to stop comparing yourself to those around you. My sweet mother always says, "where comparison starts contentment ends," and she is right. You have been called to live a completely different life than any other. And that is a great call, indeed.

Truly,
Nicole Renee