Yesterday was the first day of Junior year of college, and yes, I successfully made it through without having a breakdown. I have been so busy these past few days; however, despite the craziness, I have been full of such an indescribable peace.
In light of a new year I have been thinking about the idea of college, and I have come to a very absolute conclusion: the concept of college is so strange to me. You spend your whole life living under the watchful eyes of your parents, and then one day they drive you to a place where you may or may not know anybody or have ever been. They hug you, unload your things, shed some tears, and then they get back in the car and drive away without you, back to a house that is no longer yours. After living 18 years, your entire life up until this point, you are now on your own (at least, that's how it went for me). I don't understand whose bright idea this was and how he got everyone on board. Don't get me wrong, I love college. Actually, I adore it. But is this concept strange to anyone else? I mean, it can't just be me who thinks this is weird. Anyway, that being said, I want to mention a few things I've learned since being submersed in this strange, temporary, adult making culture.
1. It is impossible to know how you will react in a situation until you are the one in it.
In high school it is so easy to judge people who seemed to be making stupid decisions (don' get me wrong, it's also easy in college); however, as life starts happening you realize just how much life you haven't lived, how many experiences you haven't had, and how little you actually know about other people's lives. Since being in college I have begun to more clearly understand why people make the decisions they do. Something that seemed so objective before now seems completely dependent on the context of the situation. I think what I stated before about living your whole life at home has a lot to do with this. You see, your parents raised you. They taught you lessons they thought were important, disciplined you how they saw fit, and encouraged you to believe what they believe. As a child you don't have too much say in how things work, which makes sense because, news flash: you're not the parent. However, once you are no longer under your parent's roof, you are no longer surrounded by the same beliefs they held. Now i'm not saying your parents are crazy and everything they say is wrong. In fact, my parents are extremely wise and most things they say end up being right even if I don't want them to be. What I am saying is that until you are on your own it is easy to judge other people's decisions based solely on what you have been taught to be true instead of seeing that circumstances bring out what is in the heart, and if you had to walk through something someone else was struggling with you very well may have chosen the same response.
2. You could walk around with someone you never ever talk to and then one day both realize you should be best friends.
Friendships in college are so, SO strange. They are so different than any other friendship experienced elsewhere. I'm a junior this year, and there are people I am just now realizing are awesome, incredible human beings that I have been in class with literally every semester. Also, something that I wish I knew before coming to college is that who you are friends with one semester may not be who you are friends with the next. Class, work, and life schedules are CONSTANTLY changing. My two best friends transferred out after my freshman year. During my sophomore year I had to literally re-discover a friend group. At the time I felt like my world was falling apart, but now I realize that this is just how college works. People live their own lives, make their own decisions, and are walking toward their own goals. Sometimes the people you are friends with are the people closest to you, like literally in your proximity. Sometimes it's people you would have never expected, and all the time it takes good communication. Also, let me just free up an uptight soul right now by saying that you don't have to be best friends with everyone, that's not possible.
3. Do not, under any circumstance, make a big life decision based on other people's feelings.
My freshman year of college I had ZERO boundaries. In fact, I honestly didn't even know what boundaries were, or that it was okay to have them. Looking back there were so many times I made decisions based on the reaction I would get or the emotional state of others. If someone was sad I would do absolutely anything to make them happy, even at the expense of my emotional stability. If someone asked me to do something because they were to overwhelmed I would say yes. Even if I didn't want to do something but felt bad for the other person I would do it just to keep them happy. Let me help you out by telling you this incredibly wise piece of advice: DON'T DO IT. It took me a long time to realize that my emotional well-being is just as important as those around me. If I am constantly looking out for other people's emotions and forgetting my own I am guaranteed to burnout FAST. The reason it was so hard for me to take care of my self, and perhaps it's this way for you too, is because so often in Christian culture it is almost looked down upon to care for yourself above others. Don't get me wrong, there is a fine line between being selfish and practicing self-care; however, if you are not making sure you are taking care of yourself first there is NO way you will be able to help others AND be healthy for any significant amount of time. In fact, in Matthew 22:39 we are told to "love your neighbor as yourself." In order to love your neighbor as yourself you better love yourself SO well. Do yourself a favor, pay attention to what you are feeling and do something about it, practice the beautiful art of saying, "no," and for goodness sake DON'T let someone else's emotional state sway you to make a decision you will regret later. Whether its declining a stressful job position, not helping someone with homework because you have your own, or postponing a conversation with someone because you really need to sleep, learn how to say NO. After all, boundaries are a girls best friend.
4. Follow the rules and stop complaining.
Even if curfew is annoying, quiet hour is lame, and you can't wear skirts above your ankles (okay, I would question that one) follow the rules and do not complain. I understand that some rules seem pointless or counterproductive; however, complaining about them will do NOTHING. If you feel the need to voice your frustrations (professionally and nicely) to someone who has the ability to create change, by all means, do it! But constantly complaining to others about how annoying the rules are fosters a negative atmosphere that, after a while, no one wants to be a part of. So do yourself a favor and keep your negative comments to yourself. Also, in regard to the first part this point, follow the rules, because people are watching you. It always shocks me whenever people know my name, what my major is, who my friends are, approach me with some comment about how they've been watching me and tell me they are "oh so proud of who you've become" or something like that. I mean, when I think about how many hours a day I spend watching people I really shouldn't be surprised. Somehow, though, it shocks me every time. That being said, following the rules, or not following them, is extremely noticeable whether you think so or not. Trust me, and since being an RA I know this first hand, people who think they are being sneaky with their rule breaking will come to me for recommendations, and I have definitely written some pretty rough recommendations before. So, for your own good, follow the rules and don't complain. I promise it will be to your advantage later.
Don't get me wrong, there are countless other lessons that I have learned in college; these are just a very small few that impacted me greatly, because I had to learn them the hard way. I hope that whatever stage of life you're in you will lean in to what the Lord has for you and trust that His voice is the most important.
XO.
XO.
