When I was six years old my sister, Jamie, planned to be baptized. On the day of her baptism both her and my parents were filled with such a joy, that I decided I would one day have the same joy she had found. What I did not know at the time was that her joy had come from Christ.. It did not come from any decision she had made, but from the process of softening her heart to the sweet call of Jesus Christ.
I have grown up in a Christian home all my life. 'Jesus Loves Me' and 'This Little Light of Mine' were two of my favorite songs. After Jamie was baptized I chose to be just like my sweet older sister, and I gave my life to Christ as she had. I have always known who Jesus is and what He has done for me, but even after I was baptized Jesus was still only an incredible man in my mind. I did not yet realize that Jesus in my head is completely different than Jesus in my heart, and I did not see that knowing what He did and knowing Him personally are not the same concepts. Because I had not fully understood this truth I did not desire to remain fully in Him; therefore, I was not producing the fruit of the Gospel of Christ talked about in John 15. Instead, I was unknowingly clinging to people for acceptance, as I was desiring to feel liked and be noticed by everyone.. Especially guys. The reality of how far away my heart truly was from Christ hit me the summer before my freshman year over a mission trip to Dallas, Texas. I spent the whole trip trying to gain myself followers forgetting that the whole point of the trip was to gain Christ followers and to share His light not my own. John 8:54 says, "If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing!" That is exactly what I was doing. I was glorifying myself, and because of that, the glory I was gaining did not cut it. As the Lord started to teach me the truth of this verse He opened my eyes to the fact that the light inside of me is not my light at all, but HIS! And it was placed in me by God himself! Why? So that I can use it to further HIS kingdom and bring HIM all the glory. To my surprise, I began to realize that this life is not about me at all! I started to see that if I hold on to people or things and expect them to satisfy me the foundation I am building my life upon is going to crash and burn. The Lord saved me from falling too far down into the pit that I was digging myself, and He showed me that no depth is to deep for Him to step in and do incredible things.
My God began a work in me on July 14th, 2010, and I am confident that He is going to carry it out to completion until the Day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6). Since that day I have been stretched, broken, shattered. I have fallen on my face before the Lord countless times, confused, ashamed, awe filled! But even more so, since that day I have been set free! Free from the bondage of myself! I no longer feel the need to be accepted by people, because my hope is found in the Lord! And His hope is so much greater than any earthly thing or person could ever guarantee. Instead of worrying about where I am going to end up and with whom I now have peace about my future, and on top of that I have peace about my past! I have been given joy in every circumstance, and I have been filled with the eternal satisfaction that my God gives freely! Because of all of these amazing, life changing things, I am no longer a slave to sin.. My gaze is locked on Christ Jesus, for He saved me from myself and this messed up world. Ever since that day my heart's one true desire is to bring Him all the glory from now until the day He calls me home! All glory to God who finds, forgives, and frees!
